Chiltonism II:
Tennis Bum.

Last thing I remember coach, I was down at break-point…

Listening to this hugely enjoyable piss-around from the essential “Dusted In Memphis” bootleg, a whole movie entitled “Tennis Bum” jumped fully-formed into my head. I think it has a lot of potential.

It would be, like, “Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans” meets “The Big Lebowski”, via Luke Wilson’s character from “The Royal Tenenbaums”, or something.

It would centre on the life and travails of this skinny, unkempt, slobbish, drug dependent but infallibly charismatic kinda guy who makes his living as a ‘tennis hustler’, cruising around the tennis courts and gyms of Memphis or New Orleans and making seemingly inopportune bets with the yuppies and jocks he finds there, then whipping them with his sneaky tennis skills and collecting his winnings.

And the rest writes itself basically. There would be mix ups, and shenanigans, and gangsters demanding money, and amusing secondary characters. The disparity between our hero’s dishevelled appearance and the preppiness of tennis as a sport could be milked for a great deal of humour.

Given the prevailing trends in the realm of current alterna-Hollywood comedies, I think it could be very successful. Personally I can’t really be bothered with it, but if you want to write a script or pitch it to the networks or whatever people do these days, just send me a cheque when it hits the cinemas, ok? Oh, and keep this song on the soundtrack.

Labels: Alex Chilton, movie ideas, tennis